My Permission

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Today I give myself permission to move on from you. Replace you with something new. Detach from your powers. I am in control, and you are powerless. Well, for now, whilst I see you behind the fog. Please stay behind the fog, as I’m afraid of what will happen if you reappear. But today, today I gave myself permission to be open. When I saw your news, I didn’t flinch. It’s fantastic news, and news I would usually be reveling with you in. The opportunities, the promise, the prize. You did it, you’re there. I am so happy for you; you deserve it. However… when I saw it, I did not feel those things – overwhelming joy. I felt nothing. My auto-response was nothing.

I gave myself permission to explore something new, from new. Someone new. He is different to you. More akin to him. I suppose, a combination. I don’t know where it will go, or what it will be, but the important thing is that he’s there. He’s real, he’s new. And you don’t know him. And you may never will. This is the start of my next journey. The one not after you, but the one after the self-care after you. It’s the exciting next chapter. I mourned for you long enough and cared for myself in the time being. And what a wonderful time it was. What a wonderful time it is. And will be for many years to come. Cheers to me, and the notion of self-care.

Shelley

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I am so proud of you. You have no idea how stable you have been for me. When I was faltering, you were there and you continued as you were. You didn’t let me influence you, you didn’t let me drag you in. You let me be with you – escape with you. Thank you for that.

Thank you for still being there. Thank you for still trying with me, for still asking how I am.

I’m so proud of where you are, who you are, what you’ve become. You are so strong. You are so constant. Your curiosity and enthusiasm for life is contagious but what’s brilliant is you always stay who you are. I’m so excited to see what you create of your new life, and what you achieve. I know you are on to something great here, because I can see it in your being. You are right to follow your craft, for that is life – life is living – life is too short to not.

So here I am, blanching asparagus, sitting back and reflecting on everything you are, and everything you helped me be. Good luck my friend, and see you again soon.

Identity

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The real you. The true self. The old me. Me now.

How do we construct an identity for ourselves and have it be so true? How do we know how to do it? How do some people do it better than others? I am currently undergoing an identity reformation whereby I am confronting every facet of my life; friends, family, work, lifestyle, etc. It’s been brewing for some time now but only in the past six weeks have I really moved on it. Made some fairly drastic changes; trying to build in new habits and remove old ones. It’s a peaceful process, albeit sometimes cathartic and emotional.

Have you ever just wanted to escape from the world? Feeling overwhelmed by social media and friends and society? Ever wondered if you’re the only one feeling empty and existing in this crazy world? The key is to build your own world, not rely on the one that’s in front of you. It’s about taking control of yourself and being fearless to confront and remove anything that isn’t at standard. You are the one in control. Be fearless and true to yourself. Even if you don’t know who your true self is, follow your gut and if anyone or thing is getting you down – ask yourself why they’re there. What else do they give you, and is it worth it?

As for your hobbies and interests, if you haven’t found something yet that you feel is truly your passion – that’s all bull anyway. I read once that passion doesn’t just appear. It forms over a period of time, much like your identity. Pick something, do it enough and it will become part of you. Most importantly, other people cannot be your identity to begin with – they can only compliment you (I do not have children yet so cannot comment for parents here). Friends and partners do not make you. They come into your life because of you, but they did not make you who you were to begin with.

Identity, eh. For me, self-identity is always growing. It has to. Your identity should always grow otherwise you’re not living, merely existing in a stagnant trap of delusion.