My Permission

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Today I give myself permission to move on from you. Replace you with something new. Detach from your powers. I am in control, and you are powerless. Well, for now, whilst I see you behind the fog. Please stay behind the fog, as I’m afraid of what will happen if you reappear. But today, today I gave myself permission to be open. When I saw your news, I didn’t flinch. It’s fantastic news, and news I would usually be reveling with you in. The opportunities, the promise, the prize. You did it, you’re there. I am so happy for you; you deserve it. However… when I saw it, I did not feel those things – overwhelming joy. I felt nothing. My auto-response was nothing.

I gave myself permission to explore something new, from new. Someone new. He is different to you. More akin to him. I suppose, a combination. I don’t know where it will go, or what it will be, but the important thing is that he’s there. He’s real, he’s new. And you don’t know him. And you may never will. This is the start of my next journey. The one not after you, but the one after the self-care after you. It’s the exciting next chapter. I mourned for you long enough and cared for myself in the time being. And what a wonderful time it was. What a wonderful time it is. And will be for many years to come. Cheers to me, and the notion of self-care.